Discipline

I have been having a question about Discipline for a long time. Whenever I would see a child getting disciplined, they would get sad, angry, stubborn or rebel. As I watched the angry faces of adults, I was always on the side of the child, because discipline was always painful for me too. But the adults (good adults) I asked, would always say Yes, absolutely, children need to be disciplined. So....To discipline or not?

And I have found the answer to that, once again with the help of an animal :D
I walk a dog, and it is my little job. The dog doesn't live with me, so I am just there to walk it and that's it. However, as I have been walking him, I have been disciplining him already. I haven't noticed.
All summer, I have been training him to listen to my commands about crossing the street, turning, or quickly following me. I realized, while walking him, that these commands were essential for both of our safeties. For example, he would get stubborn and not want to walk back home when the time of walking was up. He would stand and resist my pulling on the leash. Now, once that happened on the middle of a busy street and we were both paralized in front of cars, I decide it was time to stop.....

So, I have been testing him and intetionally saying "come" using a stern tone of voice. There is also one intersting thing about tone manipulation that I would like to mention: he tries to manipulate me, and I manipulate him with our tones. Haha. I use it for discipline, he uses it to get his way. :D

However, with all the discipline I've done, very rarely was I doing it without anger. I would get frustrated with him, and yell or pull his leash harshly. Lately I've realized that that is the whole problem.

Discipline is very much needed, but it needs to be done without any kind of systematic mind fuck ups like fear, anger, frustration etc. Discipline needs to be like clockwork, full of patience (only made from patience) and the ability to see the other individual as oneself.

I realized all of this by disciplining that dog that I walk.
The problem with him was that he would get very hyper and jump all over me when I walked into his house to pick him up to walk him. He would start to bark very loudly and scratch me (to blood sometimes) because of his excitement. It was painful and unneccessary.

I decided to use this simple method to help him correct his behavior: I would come into the house and stay still until he stopped barking and jumping and running around. (STAGE 1) This could take 5 minutes or more...
Then, pick up his leash from the stand next to the door. If he starts to bark or show any excited movement, put the leash back down. (STAGE 2) This one's the longest~10 minutes. The leash picking up is like a "click" for him to start acting crazy.
Then, once the leash is finally in my hand,  put the leash on him. (STAGE 3) Only bend to him when he is still and not barking. When he is barking, don't move, stand up straight. Once the leash is on, one last stage left.

When my hand goes for the door knob, he jumps on the door. If he does that, I pull my hand back. When he is quiet again, my hand will reach for the door knob. If he doesn't move, then I open the door and we're on our way. (STAGE 4)

This seems like alot, but it's really not. And with time, this technique will be perfectly balanced for both of us, and will save me and him also a lot of trouble.

IT IS SUPER SUPER SUPER IMPORTANT to maintain eye contact with him the whole time. To see him as yourself, not as something inferior or superior. Never ever ever. Also SUPREMELY IMPORTANT to not move, to not say or show any kind of response what so ever. Once he seems me moving, he thinks that whatever thing he's doing is working, and it is my job to show him that it doesn't. This must be very clear to him. This takes patience, and if any reactions or thoughts come up, to forgive them. Complete focus on the actions needs to be done in order to make this succeed.

Because the dog's owners have allowed him to do this kind of thing, I'll fix it. Because it's necessary for me to walk him well (and not get hurt). Someone has got to fix it. The whole process takes about 15 minutes, sometimes a little bit more.

This is what discipline should be about. STABILITY WITHIN THE PARENT, showing the child what to do and what not to do. And yes, if this kind of discipline is applied, there is hope for parenting after all. Systems completely mess this process up, so systems must be taken out of this process. Completely. But, discipline really is needed.

ALL THIS NEEDS IS TIME, NO LAZINESS, A WILL TO CARE FOR YOUR CHILD, STABILITY WITHIN YOU AND SELF-FORGIVENESS. All the things that parents don't give their children.

Alright, and that is discipline. Thank You dear doggy that I walk.. :D