During school for the last couple of days, we have moved to "Team Sports Unit" in gym. My gym class consists of about half who play sports and half who don't. I'm one of the ones who don't. So, we had one class of practicing skills needed to play a game that I forgot the name of. It encompases three differnt sports: basketball, soccer and football. So, we were told to practice the skills. Our gym teacher lined up cones for us to weave in between and practice. We all lined up into seperate lines. We were supposed to have about 7-10 people in every line and 4 lines. It turned out like this instead (#'s are approximate): 10, 6, 9 and about 7. We lined up into our own seperate "cliques". But that's a different topic I'll discuss later....
So, our teacher said to "soccer-style" dribble the ball down the lane, and then back up. I don't play soccer and never did, so it was a bit of a challenge. Most of the other people in my line struggled as well. So, I was observing the situation carefully. When the first girl came back (she did pretty well with the ball), no one said anything to her. When the second one came back, no one said anything to her either, (because she's not talkative herself), when I came back, people said "NICE JOB".
That was the moment when it clicked for me. By just these two words, I felt like I made a complete fool of myself out there. And, don't get me wrong, they didn't say it to be ironic or mean, they said it to SUPPORT.
Those two words, "nice job", encompass in themselves that "you could have done a bad job, but you did ok, so, good job" These words do not consider people as people, they consider people as "judgement objects."
(This is a difficult thing to explain, so bare with me)
But, I just kind of ignored that "click" for a moment. And I observed another girl. She generally thinks that she's bad at sports, but her skills are average. So, when she finished and came back, and most people said Good Job to her, her face flashed, "INSECURITY, SHAME, REGRET, and a kind of feeling like "yeahh, ok..."
The whole nature of the judgement Good Job, would mean that she could have done a bad job, as well. But, she couldn't have possibly done a bad job (In reality), no matter how clumsy or "bad" she was at the game, because every person just plays the way they can. And this is not that "compassionate, caring, supporting sloppy talk like "everybody tries their best." It's not that. You just play, and that goes into your self expression also.
These two words limit your self-expression and return you to your insecurity-based thoughts and images. It's like these words were created by systems to just return you to slavery. Even if you were enjoying yourself, or just expressing yourself with the ball, (even if it flew out of your hands on its own every time), it is still your self-expression. If it is judged, self-expression turns into a device to make you a slave....
So, the judgement, even if it is a positve one, it is still a method to fuck the person up. Positve judgements are still judgements, dont' think otherwise. (lol)
This point goes into "being good enough", "being ashamed of being watched", "feeling depressed", "feeling like you can't do anything", "shutting inside yourself" etc. Basically these two simple words support abuse.
THEY ARE SUPPORTING ABUSE. Therefore, people should not be judged based on their self-expression. And Good Job needs to leave my vocabulary for ever.
Ok, that's it for now :D
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Discipline
I have been having a question about Discipline for a long time. Whenever I would see a child getting disciplined, they would get sad, angry, stubborn or rebel. As I watched the angry faces of adults, I was always on the side of the child, because discipline was always painful for me too. But the adults (good adults) I asked, would always say Yes, absolutely, children need to be disciplined. So....To discipline or not?
And I have found the answer to that, once again with the help of an animal :D
I walk a dog, and it is my little job. The dog doesn't live with me, so I am just there to walk it and that's it. However, as I have been walking him, I have been disciplining him already. I haven't noticed.
All summer, I have been training him to listen to my commands about crossing the street, turning, or quickly following me. I realized, while walking him, that these commands were essential for both of our safeties. For example, he would get stubborn and not want to walk back home when the time of walking was up. He would stand and resist my pulling on the leash. Now, once that happened on the middle of a busy street and we were both paralized in front of cars, I decide it was time to stop.....
So, I have been testing him and intetionally saying "come" using a stern tone of voice. There is also one intersting thing about tone manipulation that I would like to mention: he tries to manipulate me, and I manipulate him with our tones. Haha. I use it for discipline, he uses it to get his way. :D
However, with all the discipline I've done, very rarely was I doing it without anger. I would get frustrated with him, and yell or pull his leash harshly. Lately I've realized that that is the whole problem.
Discipline is very much needed, but it needs to be done without any kind of systematic mind fuck ups like fear, anger, frustration etc. Discipline needs to be like clockwork, full of patience (only made from patience) and the ability to see the other individual as oneself.
I realized all of this by disciplining that dog that I walk.
The problem with him was that he would get very hyper and jump all over me when I walked into his house to pick him up to walk him. He would start to bark very loudly and scratch me (to blood sometimes) because of his excitement. It was painful and unneccessary.
I decided to use this simple method to help him correct his behavior: I would come into the house and stay still until he stopped barking and jumping and running around. (STAGE 1) This could take 5 minutes or more...
Then, pick up his leash from the stand next to the door. If he starts to bark or show any excited movement, put the leash back down. (STAGE 2) This one's the longest~10 minutes. The leash picking up is like a "click" for him to start acting crazy.
Then, once the leash is finally in my hand, put the leash on him. (STAGE 3) Only bend to him when he is still and not barking. When he is barking, don't move, stand up straight. Once the leash is on, one last stage left.
When my hand goes for the door knob, he jumps on the door. If he does that, I pull my hand back. When he is quiet again, my hand will reach for the door knob. If he doesn't move, then I open the door and we're on our way. (STAGE 4)
This seems like alot, but it's really not. And with time, this technique will be perfectly balanced for both of us, and will save me and him also a lot of trouble.
IT IS SUPER SUPER SUPER IMPORTANT to maintain eye contact with him the whole time. To see him as yourself, not as something inferior or superior. Never ever ever. Also SUPREMELY IMPORTANT to not move, to not say or show any kind of response what so ever. Once he seems me moving, he thinks that whatever thing he's doing is working, and it is my job to show him that it doesn't. This must be very clear to him. This takes patience, and if any reactions or thoughts come up, to forgive them. Complete focus on the actions needs to be done in order to make this succeed.
Because the dog's owners have allowed him to do this kind of thing, I'll fix it. Because it's necessary for me to walk him well (and not get hurt). Someone has got to fix it. The whole process takes about 15 minutes, sometimes a little bit more.
This is what discipline should be about. STABILITY WITHIN THE PARENT, showing the child what to do and what not to do. And yes, if this kind of discipline is applied, there is hope for parenting after all. Systems completely mess this process up, so systems must be taken out of this process. Completely. But, discipline really is needed.
ALL THIS NEEDS IS TIME, NO LAZINESS, A WILL TO CARE FOR YOUR CHILD, STABILITY WITHIN YOU AND SELF-FORGIVENESS. All the things that parents don't give their children.
Alright, and that is discipline. Thank You dear doggy that I walk.. :D
And I have found the answer to that, once again with the help of an animal :D
I walk a dog, and it is my little job. The dog doesn't live with me, so I am just there to walk it and that's it. However, as I have been walking him, I have been disciplining him already. I haven't noticed.
All summer, I have been training him to listen to my commands about crossing the street, turning, or quickly following me. I realized, while walking him, that these commands were essential for both of our safeties. For example, he would get stubborn and not want to walk back home when the time of walking was up. He would stand and resist my pulling on the leash. Now, once that happened on the middle of a busy street and we were both paralized in front of cars, I decide it was time to stop.....
So, I have been testing him and intetionally saying "come" using a stern tone of voice. There is also one intersting thing about tone manipulation that I would like to mention: he tries to manipulate me, and I manipulate him with our tones. Haha. I use it for discipline, he uses it to get his way. :D
However, with all the discipline I've done, very rarely was I doing it without anger. I would get frustrated with him, and yell or pull his leash harshly. Lately I've realized that that is the whole problem.
Discipline is very much needed, but it needs to be done without any kind of systematic mind fuck ups like fear, anger, frustration etc. Discipline needs to be like clockwork, full of patience (only made from patience) and the ability to see the other individual as oneself.
I realized all of this by disciplining that dog that I walk.
The problem with him was that he would get very hyper and jump all over me when I walked into his house to pick him up to walk him. He would start to bark very loudly and scratch me (to blood sometimes) because of his excitement. It was painful and unneccessary.
I decided to use this simple method to help him correct his behavior: I would come into the house and stay still until he stopped barking and jumping and running around. (STAGE 1) This could take 5 minutes or more...
Then, pick up his leash from the stand next to the door. If he starts to bark or show any excited movement, put the leash back down. (STAGE 2) This one's the longest~10 minutes. The leash picking up is like a "click" for him to start acting crazy.
Then, once the leash is finally in my hand, put the leash on him. (STAGE 3) Only bend to him when he is still and not barking. When he is barking, don't move, stand up straight. Once the leash is on, one last stage left.
When my hand goes for the door knob, he jumps on the door. If he does that, I pull my hand back. When he is quiet again, my hand will reach for the door knob. If he doesn't move, then I open the door and we're on our way. (STAGE 4)
This seems like alot, but it's really not. And with time, this technique will be perfectly balanced for both of us, and will save me and him also a lot of trouble.
IT IS SUPER SUPER SUPER IMPORTANT to maintain eye contact with him the whole time. To see him as yourself, not as something inferior or superior. Never ever ever. Also SUPREMELY IMPORTANT to not move, to not say or show any kind of response what so ever. Once he seems me moving, he thinks that whatever thing he's doing is working, and it is my job to show him that it doesn't. This must be very clear to him. This takes patience, and if any reactions or thoughts come up, to forgive them. Complete focus on the actions needs to be done in order to make this succeed.
Because the dog's owners have allowed him to do this kind of thing, I'll fix it. Because it's necessary for me to walk him well (and not get hurt). Someone has got to fix it. The whole process takes about 15 minutes, sometimes a little bit more.
This is what discipline should be about. STABILITY WITHIN THE PARENT, showing the child what to do and what not to do. And yes, if this kind of discipline is applied, there is hope for parenting after all. Systems completely mess this process up, so systems must be taken out of this process. Completely. But, discipline really is needed.
ALL THIS NEEDS IS TIME, NO LAZINESS, A WILL TO CARE FOR YOUR CHILD, STABILITY WITHIN YOU AND SELF-FORGIVENESS. All the things that parents don't give their children.
Alright, and that is discipline. Thank You dear doggy that I walk.. :D
The Problem of Not Dealing with The Problem
Why People Don't DEAL with the problems:
1. They Ignore the Problem (Mind Fuck)
2. They are tired from their systematic lives, so The Entertain Themselves
3. Even if they see the problem (later on) they will Play the Bystander and Ignore
Ok, So, while being sick, I have experienced the following scenerio in my own home:
I'm dying on the bed (lol), My mother is doing everything in her power to possibly help me, My father is downstairs relaxing, my sister is in her room watching TV.
As a family in this situation, we are disfunctional; because the only one trying to do something for me is my mother. My sister/my father know that i am sick, but both of them ignore the situation either by saying "It's her fault for being sick", "Her illness is not serious", "I just don't care" etc. Either way, they are not actually doing anything to help the situation. My mother, my poor mother in this case, is tired to the bone. She has been working the whole day, and then, when she got home, she is running around trying to heal me. It's tiring work ppl, looking after an ill individual.
So, I could kind of see the world in this. I am the sick, my mother is those trying to do something, and the two other parts are just in the entertainment mode. "Who cares?"
Ofcourse, there are many problems that I posed, but if everyone helped out, I would have been on my feet much quicker.
There are many problems related to why people won't solve problems, but the biggest one I saw while just observing my family, is Entertainment.
If Entertainment wasn't there, people would start to actually notice the problems around them, and maybe even help those in need. Otherwise, you could be about to die right next to them, and they wouldn't even realize that something needed to be done.
1. They Ignore the Problem (Mind Fuck)
2. They are tired from their systematic lives, so The Entertain Themselves
3. Even if they see the problem (later on) they will Play the Bystander and Ignore
Ok, So, while being sick, I have experienced the following scenerio in my own home:
I'm dying on the bed (lol), My mother is doing everything in her power to possibly help me, My father is downstairs relaxing, my sister is in her room watching TV.
As a family in this situation, we are disfunctional; because the only one trying to do something for me is my mother. My sister/my father know that i am sick, but both of them ignore the situation either by saying "It's her fault for being sick", "Her illness is not serious", "I just don't care" etc. Either way, they are not actually doing anything to help the situation. My mother, my poor mother in this case, is tired to the bone. She has been working the whole day, and then, when she got home, she is running around trying to heal me. It's tiring work ppl, looking after an ill individual.
So, I could kind of see the world in this. I am the sick, my mother is those trying to do something, and the two other parts are just in the entertainment mode. "Who cares?"
Ofcourse, there are many problems that I posed, but if everyone helped out, I would have been on my feet much quicker.
There are many problems related to why people won't solve problems, but the biggest one I saw while just observing my family, is Entertainment.
If Entertainment wasn't there, people would start to actually notice the problems around them, and maybe even help those in need. Otherwise, you could be about to die right next to them, and they wouldn't even realize that something needed to be done.
I am the ILL of this world
I have been sick with a regular cold for more than a week as of now. I've had a fever for 5 days and had to start taking antibiotics. I developed a pneumonia like cough and am still suffering from it.
I have read in the desteni material that illness supports the human and helps with removal of systems, but How? was my question. Maybe, I understand now.
Being a normal person in my particular town, I am one of the "cool" ppls, those that only do cool things, that sound cool, that study cool. I fit in, and I act like everybody else. This horrifying experience, with all the physical discomfort I experienced, brought me to only care about my life.
There was no more caring of how I looked, how I smelled, what digusting things I was spitting out or anything else. It was just trying to BREATHE. To not die. Breathing was the focus of my illness because i could hardly do it. And you know what? It is the most important thing.
So, this is me taking a stand AS Everyone Sick, Disgusting, Hungry, Skinny, Fat, Everyone considered "unsightly" and "uncool" and "poor".
The people who FART, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO THROW UP (as myself), THE PEOPLE WHO SPIT UP MUCUS, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO COUGH, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO SMELL DISGUSTING, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO NEED CARE ALL THE TIME, (as I do), I am taking a stand as this.
I have realized by physical experience that everything bodily, no matter what it is, is not disgusting. And if people would look at someone picking their nose or eating their buggers and say that's disgusting, they just haven't experienced the physical illness yet. Now that I see this, I have a completely different perception of the world and the human physical body, well, all bodies actually. There is no more fear and I'm no longer in the mind when it comes to body.
So, Thank You Illness. I am greatful to you. You have opened my eyes.
I have read in the desteni material that illness supports the human and helps with removal of systems, but How? was my question. Maybe, I understand now.
Being a normal person in my particular town, I am one of the "cool" ppls, those that only do cool things, that sound cool, that study cool. I fit in, and I act like everybody else. This horrifying experience, with all the physical discomfort I experienced, brought me to only care about my life.
There was no more caring of how I looked, how I smelled, what digusting things I was spitting out or anything else. It was just trying to BREATHE. To not die. Breathing was the focus of my illness because i could hardly do it. And you know what? It is the most important thing.
So, this is me taking a stand AS Everyone Sick, Disgusting, Hungry, Skinny, Fat, Everyone considered "unsightly" and "uncool" and "poor".
The people who FART, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO THROW UP (as myself), THE PEOPLE WHO SPIT UP MUCUS, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO COUGH, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO SMELL DISGUSTING, (as I do), THE PEOPLE WHO NEED CARE ALL THE TIME, (as I do), I am taking a stand as this.
I have realized by physical experience that everything bodily, no matter what it is, is not disgusting. And if people would look at someone picking their nose or eating their buggers and say that's disgusting, they just haven't experienced the physical illness yet. Now that I see this, I have a completely different perception of the world and the human physical body, well, all bodies actually. There is no more fear and I'm no longer in the mind when it comes to body.
So, Thank You Illness. I am greatful to you. You have opened my eyes.
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