System Demons Realizations

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2quf2GklhI

In response to this video from System Demons Daily. I first want to thank the system demons and the desteni people who worked on the site for making the system videos so accessable.Thanks guys

So, this video was very clear, I understood it completely and was able to see inside myself today, noticing these things. Especially when the system said that the body usually presents systems as pain.

Today, I was talking with my dad about the way I don't understand how the soil can make life. I was amazed today, because such a small, shriveled oooolllddd seed can make something amazing like a tomato that can then taste delicious for me. It's just uncomprehensible right now, to me, because the soil is just a bunch of dirt, and it can nourish the small seed, along with water, to create life. Amazing.
So I asked my dad how? and he said that even scientists don't know. Then he said that in the future, maybe sometime later, in hundreds of years perhaps, we will know. That really touched something inside me and I began to get irritated. I said that "sometime later" is never. He said that We are able to see and know about atoms, while a couple thousand years ago, that was incomprehensible. So, he said it's all achievable. That really got me going, for some reason, (I was shocked I was mad) as he said that for people who lived in caves (so long ago), I was GOD. I said that I'm not god, but he said that for them I would have been. As I got more angry, I got a sharp pain in my nose (not too painful) but it hurt.

That's when I realized!!! The video I posted above, and a video I watched years ago about the body points in relation to systems helped me. Pain is the system activating in me in relation to god, especially to god, since the nose point has something to do with god and giving power away to god. This was amazing. So, in conclusion, in the anger about god, I give my power away or accept and allow myself to give my power away to "god", knowing it and then getting angry about it.

So, following the video's instruction, which I understand will definately work if done completely and honestly, I must now see where this "giving away power" to god originated from. How I did it, why, in what situation do I do it? Who do I associate giving away my power to god with?

This is a bit hard, actually. But right now, I want to release myself from that system of "give power away to god", and the anger I allowed. One other point is that I experience pain during self-forgiveness sometimes, can anyone share insight into that?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see god as superior to me, to my parents, to my world. (I'm feeling some pain in my left leg, like stabbing pain, but it quickly disappears)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate myself with my parents in a way that makes me see myself as them, and act like them, and judge myself according to them. When god is superior to them, then it is superior to me. (pain under my left rib, and some under right)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do self-forgiveness in the moment of aggression towards my father and "god". (slight pain in back bottom side of back)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the idea of god, and to belive that if my parents are affected by "god", then I HAVE to be affected as well.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that anyone, or anything, or any god can have any power over me. (slight pain in heart)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to (pain in "chicken wing bone" in my back) believe that I can give my power away to fate, to god, to my father or mother, to this world. (more left rib pain, right rib aches)

that's it for now. Thanks you again.

Playing God

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/playing-god/ The documentary

After watching a documentary called "Playing God", I have a very unsettling feelings inside me, but when I look at the "future" where minds and people are controlled competely through machines, I realize that it is nothing different from what is already in our own world, as we are controlled by the mind system, which in essense is a machine. People are not changing at all, and they try to find more and more technological solutions to everything, when the answer is already here inside themselves, self-forgiveness, self directive application, breathe, equality, oneness, self expression.
Will we collectively as a humanity use these tools to sort ourselves and our world out? NO, of course not. Scientists can prove these don't exist, even though they know they do. Religious peope will argue that only God can fix things, you shouldn't go against God. Besides that, it is too hard to face oneself in self-honesty. It's too hard. So, everyone makes every possible exuse not to.

I want to discuss the implications that this "amazing" control over living beings will give us, if it is applied throughout the world.
First, if i consider the point that all of this work is plain manipulation and control, it is clear that we are not fixing anything, just adding to the mess.
Second, the control of life, really is playing god. The whole idea of god is based on inequality, abuse, suffering, so we will not get anything supportive out of it, and everyone will most likely suffer.
Third, knowing the "human nature" everyone is super full of, the control of the dna will definately be abused. All the world around us is based on one thing: abuse of another, the strongest is best and always wins, the most wealthy will control, and so on. Imagining one corporation or maybe multiple implanting viruses and proteins into humans and animals so that they can be even more robot like. Fuck, this will be the mind system in the living flesh! And the machines will be the only thing exisiting. Ta da, the complete abuse and destruction of life completed! Don't we all just love that? Amazing powers for everyone!, but of course the condition is to be zombified first.

A point came up inside me about other people and how they might think that this is a good thing if it can be used in medicine and technology, to protect and give health etc. This is actually my own point and my own mind system mind fucking with me. Thinking about it again, in self-honesty, what will we gain if we can beat cancer? Autism? If we can "cure" it, nothing will change, because we will not face the problem. It is the same as drinking advil while having menstruation pains, and not realizing where in the world they come from? We are going to run away from the problem even more than we have already?!

NO, we must stand here and face all we have allowed, all we have accepted as ourselves, such as menstruation pains for example, or headaches, or cancer, or sadness or loneliness. Everything must be faced, and the world must be fixed by our own hands, not by slave bacterias who will quickly suck it all up into themselves because we have programmed them to.

To myself: STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM THE PROBLEM!

What is Love?

What is Love? I don't know. I cannot tell you with extreme certainty right away because I'm not sure.
All throughout the world, and the way kids (systematic honesty) see it is as a feeling that you feel in your heart, soul and mind that is so............(this is where the inexplainable part comes, and is left as a blank, left for you to think you understand it for yourself).

Lately, though I've been noticing many things that signify love and also signify blindness, inequality, and lack of common sense.
For example, the process of choosing one's partner. This process is very important and deliberate for some, and easy for others, and it is choosing the one that you truly love. What does this mean? Basically, you get to choose the best candy in the candy shop, the one that you love the most, the one that is just right for you, the one you can't live without (drug), and you get to suck on it throughout both your lives. You get to have that sweetness of the candy and suck it all away with time. The tough time comes when the other person also sucks at you of course. That's when relationships fall apart. Haha. 
During this process, you, or should I say your mind system, that "mind" that you have, your opinions on life, the way you act, the things you like, the risk level you are willing to take, the everything that makes you you, (not really) chooses another that is alike. So, we basically search for the matching boot over there somewhere, someone just like you, someone who you can finish sentences with, someone who you can accept, because they are nothing more or less than your mind system. All the programs you hold in you, all the fears, joys, expectations, sadnesses, disappointnesses and other programs. You search for that one. The one just for you. The one just like you.

IT might seem completely normal, but in reality, this is insane. Is this love? Is this love? Is it?
No. Why not? Bc you don't love the other person at all, you just love yourself, your opinions, your mind system, you agree and help them because they are like you. You feel sympathy and kindness towards them because they are like you (you actually feel it for yourself), you love them because they give you pleasure, because they're like you, you enjoy them, because they're like you.

I asked this of someone I respect, "when you love, you'd give up your life for that person if necessary, right? But, you'd have to not feel pleasure while doing so, right?" The person said "It would give you pleasure and a sense of accomplishment and this "love" feeling to give up your life for them". So I repeated myself and said, "and if it doesn't give you the feeling of pleasure?" The person thought. And stayed quiet.  I said "you wouldn't do it, right?" The person quickly responded with, "True love is very rare." An exuse, huh? Yes, it's hard to love something you don't like. Because that's not love, is it?

If you don't like it, you don't love it. Love in our world, in all its aspects=egoism and blindness.

I noticed that pairs look and think alike some time ago, at a school dance, when it was like playing a matching computer game. One short, one short, one tall, one tall, one skinny, one skinny, one fat, one fat.  No change, not seeing each other as equal at all, no understanding, no self work at all.

When one says something, the other echoes it, when one makes fun, the other supports. Blind ppl, unable to see ALL the points of view, not even the polar oppisites, they only see one.


I noticed something for the first time in my life today, because today was valentine's day, and ppl were recieving roses from their friends and lovers through a delivery system we have especially for this day, in my school. They got a rose, and they were all suprised, and their face would light up, and they were happy and all the good things. At first I noticed a jealousy point starting up within me, since I didnt' get any roses, but then I somehow realized that "what's in a rose?"

Am I any different from having not received the rose? Am I changed? Am I less worth now in any way? Are the ppl who received roses any different now? Is the rose an all powerful token or should I say medal of "love"? NO, when I looked at the rose, it looked quite normal, and more like a poor dead flower than anything else. I've felt this "joy" of having gifts given to you and feeling "special" more than a couple times. But, now, I was there and saw that that "special" doesn't exist, and didn't exist in that moment at all. Ppl were going crazy looking at their roses, and I was feeling sorry for the roses, it's like the roses were warped in ppls minds into some magical objects of affection. Roses are roses. Roses are not "magical medals of love, affection, happiness and specialness". Roses are beings who have been grown quickly, cut and delivered, dying in ppl's hands.

This kind of "warpness" is the same in many aspects of one's life, and especially the first stages of love. When one falls in love, one usually warps the other person in their mind to suit their "best" point of view of "perfection". Ppl who are falling in love look at each other as though both are angels and the best in the world. It's happened to me sometimes, and there is a very bright feeling, joyful, happy, but untrue and warped. When you love someone, you don't even SEE them, how can u possibly understand them?

Somehow, we've warped the whole concept of love as well, and now judge pleasure to be the amount of love for someone. When a mother looks at her child and smiles, that means the mother loves her child, to us. But doesn't her child give her pleasure? What if it didn't, what if it was just a child she picked up and wanted nothing to do with, would she still love that child? Would the child herself be somebody different?

Love exists alot, but real caring rarely does. Real Caring I saw with animals. When a a fox I think stood in the middle of the street next to his/her dying/dead friend who was probably hit by a car, and was guarding him/her. No matter how dangerous, and how uncomfortable it was for that fox, she didn't leave. Did that fox experience a druglike addiciton to her dead friend? I dont' know, but I'd guess not, bc animals don't usually develop that. Did the fox enjoy protecting the dead body from cars and scary ppl? I don't think so. I'm not sure but I would guess not.

The fox, and all animals at that, seem to be just HERE. And stand firm in absolute honesty with themselves, with the situation, in absolute awareness and just "here". Real Caring of someone or about someone is what I think love is, but i don't know as of right now. I definately know, though that love is nothing to do with Real Caring.

Next

Masturbation, Porn, Rape, Obsession etc.

I have been wondering about the 4 things I wrote in the title for quite some time. My mind seemed to wander and think about sex and why I was so embarassed and other things. Also, the point of self-masturbation came up alot, and even though I didn't masturbate, I became uncomfortable and hot while watching some images online. I couldn't understand what this reaction was. I asked my friends in school and some though it was normal and stuff. They just accepted it. I accepted it as well, for some time, but I've always had the question of "why?", why must I react this way? It seemed normal to be embarassed or aroused at the sight of two people having sex, no?

Well, and i've come along way to be able to write about this, it turns out it is not normal or beneficial. It's actually very harmful and I've come to a realization as to why.
Once again, desteni has helped. I watched a couple videos on sex and the sex system and masturbation, also about rape, but it was a particular video of a destonian giving up masturbation for specific, clear reasons within himself. Furthermore, I began to understand that masturbation is nothing but fucking yourself through your mind, by fucking yourself with pictures. Pictures, drawings, Images, it's all the same.
This was an amazing realization:
I accidentally saw an image of erotism, let's say, even though it was not even eroism, it was just kissing, while browsing on the internet, and then I got all aroused, you could say. But, the pictures I saw were drawn, and I could suddenly see the drawings clearly for what they were: DRAWINGS! It was astonishing, but all the feelings of hotness or embarassment, guilt, shame, and arousment just disappeared. Like poof, and they never existed, it seemed. I just saw that the images were drawn, not real, and therefore, there was nothing to fret or get excited about. First Realization.

Then, a couple days later, I realized yet another thing: It was up to me to decide wheather to become sexually excited or not! It was completely my choice. I could just kind of "push down" the feelings when I felt them "coming up" inside me. They really felt like they were coming up, and then I would, in one moment, just remain here, myself, not controlled, and the feelings of arousement would be gone. Just like that. Second Realization.

Furthermore, I went into realizing that even during sex, it was still my decision whether to let myself be aroused or not. It seems kind of silly now.
I'm here! I'm here! This phrase was what I said when I realized this, and I'm not sure what logical connection that has to my realization, but it is so true, in that moment of me deciding how to direct myself, my body, my mind, I am here. I don't have to be controlled or act the way I was programmed to act.

Everyone should realize these things, and many others which I have yet to see, because masturbation is very harmful. This is desteni info, but it makes sense to me:
When one masturbates, the sexual energy that one creates (since it is created through his mind!!!), gets stored in the huge "mindsystem" field or space. And then, that energy must be acted out somewhere, and it ends up being sent into other human beings to be used as sex energy for rape, since the energy must be carried out. It's like a program that needs to run, it doesn't stop.

When I listened to the sex system as interviewed by desteni, it explained this. But, the system said that the real answer is actually sex, and I think I understand that a little. The system said only that and said that it would take it no further because we, as mind systems, would mess it up and not understand, and fuck up the situation even more inside ourselves and outside.

Either way, the key is not to think about sex or masturabation, or about images, because that enslaves you in the system of sex and masturbation all over again. Kind of like a closed loop that never ends. So, the thoughts need to stop, the images and picture fucking must stop. And this is for myself as well, because I have noticed that my mind makes like, every excuse to go and think about sex, if I let it. So, I breathe, I self-forgive, I write, I apply self-corrective application, and I just STOP my thoughts. I'm in the process.

Thank You for reading!
Polina

The Best Cruel and Fucked Up Control System Ever!

The best cruel and fucked up control system ever is our economical system and perception of the world. While standing in a line, waiting for my food to be served during lunch one school day, I came to this sudden realization. Whoever created this sytem must be a really fucked up person, but a genious nevertheless. It's so simple, it makes me want to laugh. Just think about it yourself:

What would I do if I wanted to control every single person on this planet, of every race, religion, status etc?

Take away their means of living! Don't give them food or water, no clothes, shelter or warmth! Let them starve and beg me on their knees, and I will have control of them all! Isn't it so simple? And while I'm at it, let me make sure they kill off all the animals and nature, and destroy the earth so that they will be even more dependent on me! That's all I need to do. And that's exactly what happened.

Let me discuss the absurdness of our economic system today. It is kind of like the situation that occured to the Native Americans who lived on the soil of the U.S. so many years ago. They thought that they food, water and land itself did not belong to them. It was the earth's! (The earth belongs to itself lol) Or wait, maybe it was their god's! (whoever he/they were/was) So then, the white man came, and said "This land will be mine! How much do you want for it?" The Indians were appalled, because how could you own land? It was not anyone's to begin with! It was the earth's! So that's what they told the white man. The europeans laughed, and then waged war to take the land. And so they did, and drove back the Indians and destroyed most of them.

How absurd is it to "own land"? It is the most absurd thing of all! Land cannot be anyone's on this earth, because it is the earth itself! It's like a bacteria in my body saying "now this chunk of Polina is mine!" Hahahhaha. Makes me laugh! BUT WE'VE ALLOWED THIS ABSURDNESS TO BECOME COMMON SENSE. It is so normal in our day to "own land", and it is a good thing, means you have money in life, means you're a person to be equalized with. And, the worst thing is that we accept it and allow it to exist. We've made jobs for getting money, banks for storing money, and stores to buy the earth. We've deprived the earth of all dignity, making it our property, our slave, and abusing it in any way possible. We've taken all of those who maintain the earth and co-exist with it, and enslaved, abused, destroyed, killed and eaten them. We've cut off their skin, eaten their hearts, killed their babies, broken off their nails, put them into cages, fed them with paper, hit them over and over and over. We own them! They are nothing but slaves! Nothing but martyrs or property or dumb THINGS. They have no dignity, no life, no self-expression, no food, no nothing!!!! We only love ourselves, don't we???!!

And the worst part is, we abuse our own selves and say that this is normal, and take away our life, dignity, food, water, shelter, clothes and everything else that was there for everyone equally from the earth! We take the earth and we eat it, let it nurture and grow us, and then ask if we exist! We do to ourselves the same as to the rest of the earth.

And I watch and I participate and I realize, but I still stand in that line to get my food like a good student. I am part of the human race, and just as much a monster as everyone on this planet. And will I change anything after writing this? NO, nothing. And that's another realization.

I am changing, i must, if I want to change anything, I must change myself. It is why I'm writing all these things, it is why I do self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application.

Thank You very much for reading,
Polina

The Realization Moment and Self-Freedom

Realizations are somewhat amazing. When you realize something, it happens in one moment. ONLY one moment and you understand it well. In that moment, suddenly, it feels as though you are "here" and "whole", everything is clear. Now I understand, maybe if just a little, what desteni meant when they said "piece yourself back together", because realization is one of those points that pieces you back together. That is as far as I can describe realization, but if you experience it, you'll know what I mean. :D

Also, what comes after Self-Realization is perhaps even more amazing. You have so much control over yourself. I remember hearing that controlling yourself is corrupt in some way, because that shows the presence of the mind, but I'm not sure about that yet. When I realize something, and an action follows, I am able to say "enough, till here and no further", and stop the emotional or physical reaction I am having within myself, due to the clarity of the realization, and my understand of "I don't have to be that way, I can be the way I want to be" That is self-freedom. I am able to take back myself from the mind and direct myself the way I want to. I become equal with the systems of the mind in value and expression.

I am still in the beginning of a long process, so I am confused about many things, and I have realized clear answers toward some things only. This will be a long process for me.

Tyranny in my Life

I've lately noticed the tyranny I live in, and found it extremely ironic that I didn't realize until now. In school, we learn about democracy, totalitarianism, socialism, capitalism, communism, dictatorshp, monorchy etc. Ofcourse, if we learn about these things, that only proves that we are a great democracy, right? But, I observed the opposite. Watching my own reactions, as well as reactions of others in my classroom, I totally saw that we were under a dictatorship, in which my teacher was the ultimate dictator, but ofcourse, kind. haha. My family is a dictatorship as well. So is the rest of my life.
When my teacher asks someone a question in class, the person gets all nerveous, unconciously emitting fear toward the expectation, teacher, situation, his insecurity etc. The teacher rules the classroom. They are the adult and leader of the class, as well as "teacher", which has come to mean not someone who teaches but someone who should be honored, respected and always listened to. The teacher knows everything, the student nothing. The student and teacher are definitely not equal. This is completely wrong and needs to be changed in the education system.

Even I am a tyrant and dictator for the dog I walk. I walk with him tied to me. By his neck, a painful thrash from me and he has to obey. It's like I own him, even though I don't, but he does have an owner. The dog is nothing but a slave, maybe the slave is loved, but a slave nevertheless. During our walks, I unconciously dictate the rules, when we will go home, where I want to walk and where I don't, if I should say "good boy" or pull him, it is all my decision. Where is the equality in that? We are not equal as we exist right now. Somehow, the lives of the dogs must be changed. The system of values for "ownership" must also be changed.

With my family, what my parents say, I must obey. I am "under their care" aka they own me. I can rebel, and I do, but they system is set up in a way that children must listen and obey their parents. Obeying someone. We are slave like as children, in most cases. This must also be changed.

Emotions are dicatoring me (lol made up word). Unconciously, really, I didn't notice this until now, they dictate me.  A situation arises, and I act like I do because of my emotions. Where is the equality in that? Of course, that is up to me to change, so I am changing it.

The system forces everything that lives in it, humans, animals and even nature to leave according to the system. There is no free choice ever. You live like you have to if you want to survive. It's attrocious. There is no equality and no freedom of choice. This must be changed.